How to Find Happiness: One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Into the Wild (2020), 91.5 x 61cm, Lihui Liang, oil on canvas, POA.

You have everything you need. Everything is within reach. And yet, life can still feel unfulfiled.

We chase so many things: goals, careers, people, validation. We read books, watch documentaries, scroll endlessly hoping for clarity. But often, the more we search outside ourselves, the more distant happiness feels.

What happiness means can look very different depending on where and how you’ve grown up. In many Eastern cultures, fulfilment is deeply tied to community and family. There’s often an expectation to find a partner early, settle down, and build a life rooted in shared responsibility and belonging.

In the West, the focus is more individualistic. Success is often measured by independence, career progression, or self-actualisation. The unspoken rule is: achieve more, become more, and happiness will follow. Both paths offer something valuable. But both can also lead us astray when we mistake achievement or obligation for contentment.

So why is it so hard to be happy? Because we’re looking in the wrong direction. The truth is simple but easy to forget: Happiness isn’t out there. It’s within you.

It doesn’t matter what you do or what your accomplishments are. Happiness comes from your grounding self, the version of you that is fully known, fully present, and aligned with your deeper being.

This is why the Buddha is called “The Awakened One.” Not because he had all the answers, but because he became aware of his true nature. And while maybe we won’t reach that level of enlightenment in this lifetime, there are a few ways we can move closer, step by step, toward our own version of happiness.

1. Build Meaningful Relationships

Meaningful friendship, community, and shared energy matter. These people aren’t your parents, but they can see you for who you truly are because of shared values or interests. They have the power to nurture your spiritual growth.This isn’t about surface-level connections where the conversation stays on work or the weather. It’s about relationships that make space for questions, confusion, and vulnerability.

One deep, open-minded conversation with a close friend can feel more healing than hours of therapy. Share the journey together. Be witnessed. Be real.

Once a month, take your best friend or mentor into nature. Go to a forest, a quiet trail, or any peaceful place, and have a long, honest talk about life’s challenges. You will both lay down the weight you’ve been carrying on your shoulders.

2. Solitude and Self-Reflection

Take a moment each day just for yourself. No screens, no distractions. Just a few breaths, a break from your own thoughts. Through meditation, allow your thoughts, whether plans or self-doubt, to come and go. Our brains are wired to default to automatic negative thoughts, but you don't have to let them define you.

Journaling can help too. Write down your dreams, your questions, your day. It doesn’t have to be perfect or polished, just honest. Over time, you’ll begin to sync with your own rhythm and connect with deeper insights in your life.

3. Gratitude for Small Things

Slow down. Life moves fast, but joy lives in the small moments.A cup of tea. A candle. A kind word. A sunset.

Make it a habit, before going to bed, to reflect on what you have—not just the material, but the emotional and spiritual. Celebrate your tiny wins. They matter more than you think.

Research suggests it takes about 66 days to build a new habit, and these healthy habits can lead to a fresh start. After a couple of months, you may begin to feel like a new person.

4. Use Your Gift

We all have something to give, something uniquely ours.Maybe it’s your writing. Maybe it’s cooking.

For me, it’s creating portraits. I make Counterreality portraits to help people step out of the mundane and into a healing space, one that captures their essence, dreams, and ambitions, as well as their fears, beliefs, light, and shadow. It feels like my mission to help others face and overcome their inner demons. 

Whenever I feel off or disconnected, I return to this practice. It brings me back to my centre, to my pure self.

Find that thing for you. Create from that place of infinite inspiration.

5. Care for the Body

Last but not least, exercise, vitamins, fresh air, touch, sensation. Being in your body grounds you in the now. It doesn’t have to be a full fitness routine; just a stretch, some movement, or a few deep breaths. Everything you do that’s good for your body helps your mind.

Multiple studies show that even brief daily stretching can reduce stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms by releasing muscle tension and activating the parasympathetic nervous system.

Happiness isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.And maybe it’s not about being happy all the time, but about being present, being real, and coming back home to yourself again and again.

You’re not lost. You’re just becoming.